Synchronicity, serendipity, whatever you want to call it... I'll take it!

My walk to work on a wonderfully foggy day.

As of today, I have been in the UK exactly three months and, oh my dear gods: when the universe decides to make sure you are well taken care of, the universe does just that.

It is a beautiful morning and I am on the train on my way home from York after a team meeting at the Food and Environment Research Agency (FERA) yesterday. I have been at my new job for just over a month, and I really love it so far. Yes, that's right - I got a job! And not just any job, but a really awesome one! I'm working as a Project Researcher for Forest Research, part of the Forestry Commission, and I'm based in Farnham out of the Alice Holt Research Station. I am actually a UK civil servant, which is both amazing and quite hilarious in the sense that my plan to come over here and work has culminated in a scenario that is better than I ever could have imagined: I came over here thinking I might have to do a corporate gig or, at worst, work for a temp agency doing abysmal administrative tasks just to make ends meet. So, this is absolutely best-case-scenario. There were a few hiccups in terms of starting the job, but those have all been sorted out and I feel very thankful to be doing interesting work at such a stunning location (I work in a forest! I think this may actually count as a dream come true...), surrounded by really lovely people who are doing important work. The project I'm part of is about tree health and biosecurity - we're looking at the social factors involved in how invasive pests that impact tree health get into the UK, and how they are spread through human activity. We want to know how we can get people to be more aware of tree health, so we can get them to participate in strategies to protect trees, and how we can get them to report diseased trees so the impact of new infestations can be minimised. This is, obviously, rather out of the realm of my PhD expertise, but my social research skills, background in environmental philosophy, and the work I do on interspecies relationships, definitely all lend themselves to working on this issue and in doing the research to investigate peoples' experiences and understandings of tree health. Not to mention that, very simply, I love trees and am easily awed by woodland landscapes. :) I'm learning a lot about doing research for the government in a way that will shape policy, and there has also been a steep learning curve about forestry, tree disease, and resource management jargon, which is all good, if challenging at times. The only concern I have is that this is just a six month contract, so I've got my fingers very crossed that some funding will come through to extend it to the end of my work visa next October.

Our back garden

In taking this job, I made the move down to Farnham, Surrey at the end of October. In another moment of synchronicity (you know how sometimes everything just falls into place and you meet the right people and the right doors open for you at just the right time? yeah, that's what I'm talking about!), I took the first room I looked at, and I am so very glad I did. I'm living with a lovely lady named Jane and her three kitties, Bubba, Minnie, and Parsley.

Jane and I are very similar in a lot of ways and have plenty in common, and she has definitely become a friend. It's a vegetarian house, which suits me very well, and it is a gorgeous little cottage with a beautiful big garden. It's a bit on the edge of town, which means it's not always convenient to get to the town centre without a car, but it is do-able with a 20-25 minute walk each way.

Minnie

I'm back into my crazy schedule of getting up at 5:30am to go to the gym before work, and it's a decent and affordable workout space at the local leisure centre. (Just don't ask me about their music! Or about the lack of a squat rack, haha.) It feels so, so good to be active again, even if I'm still having to progress more slowly than I imagined. Everyone gets 5 free personal training sessions at sign-up, and I've been really enjoying mine as a way to let someone else re-invigorate my workout and double-check to make sure that I'm in good form on my exercises. My trainer, Rupert, is also just a really fun guy who really likes that I want to be challenged - unlike the people he normally trains at the gym! On top of all this, I’ve had a very busy social schedule, having met some great new people, and I'm also keeping touch with my other friends across the UK and seeing them when either of us is able. Now, I just need to figure out how to fit my dissertation into all of this...! *sigh*

It's been a long time since I felt joyful about my life, and it is a truly beautiful thing to actually feel profound joy every single day, even if just for a moment. And I do. I finally, finally do, and I am so grateful for it. After the difficulty of the past two years, I appreciate it that much more. I am, however, doing my best not to do what Brené Brown calls 'foreboding joy' - basically, rather than living in the moment and enjoying it, we get caught up in worrying that it's 'all too good to be true' and that something horrible is just around the corner to bring us back down to our otherwise grim 'reality'. As thrilled as I am to be here, there is a lot of vulnerability involved in starting a new job and in moving to a new community: will they like me for who I am? Who do I need to be in this place, in this role, and what parts of me are acceptable to put forward or not? Beyond my desire to be liked and accepted, I am struggling with the learning curve, with not doing my job perfectly right away. I wake up some mornings with a serious 'vulnerability hangover', knowing that I presented my true and authentic self the day before, and then feel incredibly anxious afterwards as to whether I will still be accepted and liked, and whether I was 'good enough'. That's when Fear creeps up and slides an icy hand over your shoulder and asks in greeting, as the British do (but with a sly undertone), 'You all right?'.

I had a bit of an epiphany about fear last month: I realised that we are never able to walk away from our fear, never able to 'conquer it', as the saying goes. Fear walks beside us, always. We choose whether to let Fear move us, motivate us, and help us to identify what in our lives needs work (because if we're afraid of something, we obviously need to work on it!), or whether we choose to feel overwhelmed and then either become paralysed by it or walk in the other direction. Whatever we choose, Fear will always be there. In realising this, I think I have decided to accept Fear as my constant companion. That in itself is a little scary! But Fear is something I can use as an instigator to do things I might not otherwise try... to push myself in new directions. It's a big part of the reason I ended up over here, because Fear told me that I would regret not trying. Now the thing I have to work on is mitigating my physical stress response to fear - but that is another post for another day!